Can You Love Your Enemy?

I think the most difficult thing Jesus asks us to do is to love our enemy. Anyone can love those they like or get along with but it is most difficult to love those who oppose us or have done us harm. Looking back over my life in retrospect I have not always done so and in another space in time I was not capable of doing it. But as you mature in the Word of God as well as mature in person things can and will change.

Going through a divorce after 20 years of marriage due to the infidelity of my partner was a bitter pill to swallow. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced in my life at the time. I went through all the range of feelings the situation caused from hurt, anger and hate to emptiness, sadness and self-pity. It was during this time that one particular scripture jumped out at me, convicting me and causing me to adjust the way I thought. 

It was Luke 6:27-36  ~  But I say to you who listen: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If anyone hit you on the cheek, offer the other also. And if anyone takes away your coat, don’t hold back your shirt either. Give to everyone who asks from you and from one who takes from you and from one, who takes away your things, don’t ask for them back. Just as you want others to do for you, do the same for them. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. If you do what is good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you?  Even sinners lend to sinners to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do what is good and lend, expecting nothing if return. Then your reward will be great and you will be sons of the Most High, for He is gracious to the ungrateful and evil. Be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.

The way we perceive things makes a huge difference on how well and how fast we heal. I am not saying everything changed overnight because it didn't  but over time, it took a couple of years, actually. I stopped hating and started accepting, not only him but his new wife also. I had to realize she wasn't the enemy, she just happened to be there to pick up the pieces. The failure in the relationship was between him and me.  It really had nothing to do with her. 

Today, we have a wonderful relationship; it’s like having an extended family. Instead of losing a husband I retained a friend and gained another. I realized that we were truly friends from the beginning, that’s what made the relationship grow in the first place. I also had to forgive them and let go of a lot of harmful feelings that if I had chosen to wallow in would have destroyed me. Although I have no romantic feelings for him, I do count him as a treasured friend and extended family.

There are many people who see us all together today and thinks it’s quite odd that we can get along so well under the circumstances. But I feel that if there are two mature adults involved it is not only possible but a credit to those two people and gives glory to God. Our family benefits from this type of friendship and we have been there for each other’s family on many occasions when one or the other needed help. It definitely has been a wonderful experience for the children to see that their parents still care for one another although the relationship is no longer an intimate one. 

Don't get me wrong, it is always best to resolve the marriage relationship but that is not always possible, we tried for years and were unable to. I give the glory to God for showing us how to love one another again both as humans and as Christians. Although our marriage failed, there is life after divorce and the family can still fully engage with the children in a wonderful loving way. We just have to use the example Jesus has given us and consciously choose to do it. I hope this is an inspiration to others to amend relationships so that children no longer have to be divided or feel the need to take sides in a divorce situation. 

That kind of situation is not healthy or best for you or for the children involved. It is not what Jesus would have wanted for us either. Sometimes we must look beyond ourselves and do what is best for our children. Holding on to hate, resentment, anger and jealousy is not an environment our children need to be in. We also need to remember that what example we give our children through our actions are the ones they will remember, consider normal and live out in their own lives. 

There are a few of you out there that will not understand the ability to forgive someone who hurt you so deeply. But to you I say, forgiveness is the only way to go on without harboring hate and destroying yourself. I had to let it go to be able to forgive and to forgive to be able to see him, as you inevitably do when you share the children in your life. It is possible if you ask God to help you to do it.